See full poster and details at: http://www.tchrd.org/images/poster/mass_uprising.jpg

I know I’ve been talking about Tibet a lot recently, but what is happening right now in Tibet is really important. People are being dragged from their homes by the thousands and thousands all over Tibet, at night, by the Chinese police. I have spoken with many many friends here who’ve been speaking daily to friends and family in Tibet, all of who have had their best friends, their mothers, their siblings, their neighbours or villagers, taken away from their houses to be imprisoned. This is happening throughout Tibet and is not being reported on Western media, because we can get no named sources for this news (for the reasons mentioned in the last post – namely safety reasons). Yet everyone here is speaking to friends in the 3 regions that comprise the vastness of pre-invasion Tibet – U-tsang, Amdo and Kham – and everyone is giving exactly the same reports; The Chinese police are making house to house raids, village by village and taking in anyone even vaguely connected to the peaceful protests that have been occurring for nearly 3 weeks now. These people are taken away for torture and imprisonment. Unless you’ve spoken to someone who’s been tortured at the hands of the Chinese, you can’t believe the significance of what’s happening. If you wat to relat, imagine wherever you are now, reading this – inyour living room bedroom. ou hear a knock at the door, and 10 armed police brak intoyour ouse, take away your housemate, your mother, your sister, violently, and you. You are taken to a detention centre where you see hundreds of other people – children, monks, old people (these are the reports given by people taken in throughout Tibet who have been released – the lucky ones). You are then questioned by the police about your role in the recent protests. You are beaten with fists, sticks, batons, electric prods until you pass out. Maybe hung up from the ceiling by your arms, feet r wrists shackled together. When you pass out you are woken up with cold water and th ‘interrogation’ continues. If you are lucky you are let back home to live in the world of fear and starvation that is Tibet right now. If not, you are kept, tortured for 2, 3 years, maybe 20, or aybe you will jus die from your injuries. I’m tring not to be emotional, but this is the truth, an this is why I’ve been so numb for weeks – since I’ve been here I’ve met so so many people – waiters in cafes, monks, nuns, children – all who tell the same story – they’ve seen people killed in front of them – they’ve been shot/ beaten/ raped for nothing, no reason at all. What’s appening in a major crackdown now that the Chinese are really pissed off is obvious even until you hear all the reports coming in. It’s difficult not to be emotional because we are human beings and we shouldn’t e doig this to each other, or allowing this to happen.

Now there are names and details to go with the pictures of beaten broken bodies of Tibetans from the last few weeks – it is horrendous. A 64 year old man whose 54 year wife is critical from her shooting – they had I think 10 children. A 16 year old girl, a 15 year old boy, a 17 year old boy, many 20 something men, many 30 something men, with wives, children. Or just Buddhist monks. And older people with children and grandchildren. When I think if someone broke into my parents’ house and did this to my father, inflicted these kind of wounds on him before killing him. Women with husbands and kids. Children caught by stray bullets or tortured for god knows why.

The second thing that’s happening is that the Chinese government owned hospitals aren’t admitting Tibetans in to be treated. Either it is illegal or they are scared, but no Tibetas suffering critical wounds are being taken in throughout Tibet. My friends’ sources in Tibe have names ofvarious people who have ded from wounds that maybe could’ve been treated – a 45 year old woman who died from her gunshot wounds. A 30soemthin year old man. Etc etc. My friend had the task of going to their family here in Dharamsala to tell them and ask for the vitims’ photos and details to personalise their fate to the unlistening world. There is a complete lack of medical aid for all victims of China’s brutal crackdowns right now.

The next thing that’s happening is the potential mass starvation of many thousands of people in Tibet. We haveconfirmed reports that all monks in the 3 main monasteries of Lhasa – Drepung, Sera and Ganden, as well as Kirti moastery in Amdo, all monks are being forced to stay in their rooms, whichmeans they have had no food or water for days.We believe this is happening in other monasteries, as well as for laypeople throughout regions in Tibet who are not allowed to leave their houses. These people have no access to water or food. In many areas, shop are still shut, so access to resources is almost impossible even regardless of the orders to stay indoors. The scale of the poential starvation crisis evolving is terrifying.

The next thing is that many many people, particularly young me, have fled their homes, villages, towns, cities, and are hiding out in the montains and forests of Tibet – again, many of these have been without food or water for days, and face additional hardships from the elements, wild animals etc etc. They know if they return home, the Chinese forces are rounding up any young men, anyone they think may have taken part in any protests. As I said, even my friend’s elderly mother was arrested and tortured for 3 days last week (lucky in that she was released after this) just because her son had been involved in a peaceful protest 10 yeas ago. Every young man in Lhasa, and other areas of Tibet right now, is under suspicion. If they return from potential dath from dehydration and starvation in the forests and mountains, these men will face worse from the Chinese forces. This dilemma is facing hundreds, maybe thousands of people right now as I type.

Finally, and this is the most important, please read this even if you’re bored of me going on about Tibet – the truth of what’s happening just isn’t getting out there to the rest of the world. Despite the massive developments in Tibet and atrocities occurring right now, the bbc et al are only reporting on the odd olympic torch protest and commenting on the violent protests that started in Tibet a couple of weeks back. One of my friends here was saying she wrote to her local MP in the UK, who is intelligent, politicised and has had, as he said in his reply to her, a long term interest in, support for and knowledge of the human rights situation in Tibet since his travels to Dharamslala decades ago. He said he would meet my friend on her return to the UK to discuss the firsthand information she has got from being in Dharamsala and having so many contacts here getting information directly out of Tibet. But what even he said, which is a frightening sign of the reality of the power of Chinese media, is that ‘he supports Tibet, and it’s awful the crackdown that is happening now but it’s a shame it was all started off by that violent incident we saw on TV where a bunch of Tibetans were kicking a helpless Chinese guy’. Like I keep saying, the media reports we’ve been getting since March 10th have been fed to Western media agencies by the one Chinese state controlled media agency Xinhua. They know the Wstern media will show this on TV as they have nothing else to how, as Tibetan filmed footage or eyewitness reprts sent out secretly from Tibet via mobile phone/ internet cannot be officially named, or the sources checked, because as I keep saying, these people are risking their lives by doing so. Western filmed footage (even from tourists) has been heavily vetted for decades since westerners first filmed what was happening in the violent Chinese crackdowns on Tibetan peaceful protests of the late 80s. And all westen journalists have been banned from Tibet for weeks. I know I mentioned this 2 posts ago, but there have been reports for a long time now, that cannot be officially confirmed, but which I have heard from various sources , including a reputed jounalist here who had just comne off the phone from westerners inside Lhasa, who said they had followed monks acting suspiciously inside a shop – when the ‘monks’ came out, they were Chinese wearing normal clothes. These people had been wearing monks’ clothing why? To instigate violence, to play a part for Chinese cameras to film? Yes a lot of Tibetans are so pissed off with 59 years of execution and torture and complete lack of human rights that they are getting fired up and a tiny, tiny percentage of tese ar going to go against th Dalai Lama’s stance of complete non-violence, in their utter frustration, grief and despair. But this is such a tiny minority in a country the size ofWestern Europe. For Western media to report on this and repeatedly show one instance of apparent Tibetan beating an apparent Chinese man, as the whole truth of the protest accurring in Tibet over the last couple of weks, is just insanity. I have seen pictures of thousands of armed police lining the streets, beating people, battered dead Tibetan bodies. How many news reports of this? How many interviews with Tibetans here in Dharamsala and around the world who are hearing the same reports of indiscriminate house to house arrests, torture, killings, starvation?

The latest news is that China let a bunch of select foreign media guys into Lhasa to see ‘the truth’ about how calm everything is in Tibet now. Like the censorship of the last 50 odd years, let alone few weeks, the tour was heavily controlled. Yet as dozens of journalists and their government ‘handlers’ toured the Jokhang temple – the most sacred temple in Lhasa, thirty monks burst out of a room to tell the journalists that “Tibet is not free” and not to believe China’s lies. The courage of these people desperate to tell the world the reality in Tibet now, knowing full well the extent of their punishments, is hard to comprehend. Please don’t let it be in vain.

Please please help, it’s easy, ask everyone you think may help to do the 5 simple steps the Tibetan Centre for Human Rights and Democracy (TCHRD) are asking people to do:

1. Appeal to your government to pressure the United Nations to send a fact-finding mission to Tibet immediately
2. Write to your government asking for pressure on China to stop the ongoing violent crackdown on the peaceful Tibetan protesters
3. Urge your government to pressure China to allow independent foreign media into Tibet
4. Stage peaceful solidarity activities in your area
5. Please ask your friends and colleagues to follow the current situation in Tibet through http://www.tchrd.org

Even if you haven’t before, write to your MP or email them – you can find your local MP’s name online, and just google them for their email address or write to them (if in UK) at:
(Your MPs name)
The House of Commons
London SW1A 0AA

Just be polite, to the point and ask them for the requests outlined above. If you want to use facts about the latest happenings in Tibet see the TCHRD website: http://www.tchrd.org

Also, if you feel you want to do something concrete, Gu Chu Sum (organisation for ex-political prisoners) have asked me to get funding to send to Tibet for medical supplies for the thosands of severely injured, help for families of the dead etc etc. They have contacts inside Tibet who will distribute the money where it is most needed, but they need it urgently. If you can help or know anyone who can, let me know and we will take it from there.

OK.

There was something else I was going to say, but it is difficult to concentrate – I have stupid jardia again, or some kind of stomach thing that isn’t letting me leave my bathroom for too long. It is painful and boring. Add to this the fact my bald head is growing back slightly and I look like a strange skinhead with a constant grimace. It’s not a good look, as many Indian shopkeepers keep tellng me ‘why, you were so beautiful?’!! I try to explain but they just shake their heads and look away. On the other hand, some Tibetans randomly stop me in the street to say I have a beautiful shaped head. These, I have reliably been informed, are blatant liars! Although many thanks to my friends back home who say I am now stunning inside and out. You’re sweet and I love you all. We all know I was never even beautiful before the big shave, but thanks anyway, all feel good comments much appreciated – i can’t wait to see u guys x. Reactions to my head have been different, but the best one was from one of my leper friends here, who, when he saw me walking down the street, stared for a moment, and then just laughed and laughed. For a long time. I love it.

I don’t think it’s so bad, but my best friend here said some things should just never have been seen (referring to my head and the small bump protruding from it’s pale top). I liked this comment and it’s honesty, especially considering this came from the guy who shaved it for me. To be fair I did make him do it, and he did a good job.

Thanks dude. He left to go back home a few days ago, after over a year here, and I am really gonna miss him, because here you get close to people easily – a village with 3 main streets and a constant dichotomy of spirituality, poverty, disease, politics, most recently the horrific developments in Tibet, and of course a wealth of whisky. Me and my friend spent many nights, in fact since my first day here four months back, setting the world to rights over a couple of drinks until the early hours. He put up with me crying my heart out about lost love and personal fuck ups, let me break his bike, listened quietly to me ranting on in violent soliloquies about the media and Tibet (when he had actually been doing something about it), and was a good friend when I really missed my good friends back home. Also we laughed really a lot and had crazy times. Big love dude. x

As I’ve said before, regarding the situation in Tibet, the last few weeks have left me numbed almost to a point of impasse – what is the word?- i don’t know, but just so upset about what’s happening in tibet almost all i could do was shave my head and march about in soldarity, and talk to people about what was happening, what the latest news was in Tibet. Except for the whole bad tummy thing, i now feel like i am ready to get up, use this information and work hard to make a difference with what’s happening in tibet. I will update more general stuff about what’s happening in Tibet, also my non-political life here more frequently.

I decided not to type up everything I wrote on the night of the 17th March – I was emotional, tired, numb. So I’ll just give a summary of the last couple of weeks. It has been intense to say the least.

Two weeks ago today, as I said in the last post, was the 49th anniversary of the 1949 uprising in Lhasa, where many tens of thousands of Tibetans were killed by Chinese troops as they protected the Dalai Lama from an attempted assassanation attempt by China, forcing him to flee into exile – here in Dharamsala where he remains to this day. Many more Tibetans were imprisoned and tortured for many years, sometimes decades as a result of these 10th March 1949 protests (I have met some – Palden Gyatso imprisoned and tortured almost daily for 33 years); and obviously many hundreds of thousands more died as a result of torture, starvation and execution following this date, as the Chinese occupation began its brutal intensity.

Every year, as I said, this date therefore marked further peaceful protests around the world. As I said, again, this year the protests were larger in scale, due to the proximity of the August Olympics in Beijing, and the fact the world’s media is focusing to some degree on China in the run up to the games.

So, the usual marches were organised around the world by all the individual Tibet Support Groups (some Tibetan, some non-Tibetan); but they had more people turning up as supporters realised the significance of this year’s protest. IN Dharamsala, there were thousands of monks, nuns, schoolchildren, Tibetans and some Westerners who first attended a ceremony and talk by HH Dalai Lama and various other speakers at the main temple here

then a march down to Lower Dharamsala (hour or 2 away). As somebody who’s been to every march round London on March 10th for the last 5 years – where a few hundred people show up(although many more this year I believe) – the whole thing was awe inspiring. I cry just hearing the Tibetan national anthem – surrounded by the wealth of feeling, surrounded by so many monks, so many thousands of people who have left everything – their homes, their families, their country – because they had no choice – all of them chanting just for freedom, for some semblance of human rights to be returned, for the UN and the international community to listen – left a constant lump in my throat. Everyone carrying the Tibetan national flag – a beautiful flag that you get arrested and tortured for carrying or possessing in Tibet. It was incredibly moving.

The march in Dharamsala was led this year by 100 Tibetans who wre trying to Walk back to Tibet – the plan was to start marching today, and keep going through India, until they got to Tibet and Lhasa, the capital. No-one knew what would happen – it is rare for a Tibetan who has lived in exile in Dharamsala to be able to return to Tibet – the Chinese police are suspicious of the proximity to the Dalai Lama and political freedom for Tibetans here, so the likelihood of being arrested, interrogated, jailed for any of these marches who made it through to Lhasa without being stopped first by the Indian or Nepalese authorities, was extremely high. (As it turned out, the Indian police arrested them and detained all 100 of them after just 2 days peaceful marching – they are still ‘imprisoned’ (in a guest house albeit) now – but this is another story).

So the 100 marchers – all wearing orange ‘Walk to Tibet’ caps,were given khatags (symbolic white scarves) for their journey – to a rousing ovation from the thousands of people gathered at the Temple and with much gathered media from around the world- and then they led the march, followed by the monks, by the nuns, the schoolchildren, and then everyone else. As I say, it was unbelievable, seeing the thousands of people, hearing the chants, seeing the flags, the banners – all winding down the hills of India, to a crossroads in Lower Dharamsala where everyone stopped, and various speeches were given to those gathered there. We then made our way back up to Mcleod Ganj, and ate in the bright sunshine.

That night I think it was, was the first candlelight vigil in the grounds of the Temple, where I had seen the Dalai Lama’s teachings just weeks before (actually, I never updated this blog with that? A quick catch up, my friends Sophie and John came up from the UK end of Feb, beginning of March – was awesome to see them, so lovely – and we saw the Dalai Lama – he was awesome and inspiring and brilliant and I cried most times I even saw him – the place was packed with Tibetans and monks, and the Indian rhododendron trees began filling up with beautiful big clustered crimson flowers that showered all the trees around the temple like the crimson maroon multitude of monks filling the streets of Mcleod Ganj to see the Dalai Lama).

But anyway, I completely digress. On the evening of 10th March, the first candlelight vigil was held in the grounds of the temple.

After the shouting and energy of the march (all obviously completely peaceful), the vigil was held to commemorate the more than a million dead in Tibet, the people suffering there daily now. Again, it was terribly moving – so many monks, chanting the same mantra over and over – really beautiful, really sad. I think already this night, there was some talk already of a crackdown on similar peaceful protests that were taking place in Tibet. I don’t remember if it was on the 10th or the 11th, but I’m pretty sure already on the 10th, news was filtering in – also that protesters in Tibet were inspired by the news from Dharamsala of the 100 marchers back to Lhasa and by the fact there was worldwide media interest. It is difficult to explain how much this means to many Tibetans. Tibetans inside Tibet are fed propaganda daily in school education, religous ‘Patriotic Re-education Campaigns’ inside monasteries, ‘Thamzing’ sessions where they are forced to make up lies about family, neighbours, etc etc – just in their daily lives, where they are told ‘This is the way Tibet is now – it’s a part of China and always has been, the Dalai Lama is evil, no-one cares about him outside Tibet, the rest of the world doesn’t care about Tibet, and the world’s media isn’t interested – they know China liberated Tibet, and that’s that.’ For Tibetans in Tibet to find out how much the world is interested, how much Tibetans and their supporters in Indi and the rest of the world are prepared to show their passion for Tibet’s freedom, and how much the world’s media is interested – this a huge thing for them. For monks and nuns who aren’t allowed to practise their religion, parents whose children aren’t allowed to learn Tibet’s language, history, culture. They’ve had enough. So basically, the peaceful protest in Tibet started. They were marching anyway, to celebrate the day’s anniversary. And like I keep saying, to wave a flag OR to say ‘Long live the Dalai Lama’ OR to march down the street OR to say ‘Free Tibet’ – as a Tibetan in Tibet, any of these things will get you arrested, interrogated, tortured, imprisoned – probably your family and friends too just because they know you. But many hundreds took to the streets that day, in Lhasa as reported in the news, and throughout U-Tsang (the main (Western) region of Tibet) as well as Amdo and Kham (the huge Eastern regions of Tibet – referred to by China and most of the world’s media as ‘China’) knowing the results of their actions, but brave beyond belief.

Information flow is more prevalent between Tibet and Dharamsala, than to much of the world because so many Tibetans have come and settled here in this town (maybe 300 – 400,000?); and almost all keep in contact with families, friends and people from their areas on a regular basis, by phone, email, internet live programmes etc. When you have 400,000 people in one town getting firsthand information each from various people in Tibet, as well as major information gathering NGOs, media stations etc, based here, with long term, reliable, independent sources in Tibet, you know if everyone is saying the same thing that it is the truth. When photos, video footage, the same reports from different people – Buddhist monks who don’t lie, journalists who have just come off the phone from Westerners inside Tibet, NGOs etc etc are coming out, it’s difficult to ignore. And from that night – the 10th March, the information just kept coming, and it was very different fronm the coverage the Western media was showing. Basically there is no media freedom in China- only Xinhua the Chinese media agency, which publishes propaganda. There are no foreign journalists allowed inside Tibet without special permission and constant accompaniement and surveillance by the Chinese authorities (they don’t want the outside world to get information regarding the true situation from any Tibetans brave enough to risk the certain reprisals they will get from speaking to foreigners). So the media, even before this complete ban on journalists in Tibet enforced for the last week or so, have had to rely either on Chinese led information, or directly on ‘news footage’ put together and presented to them by the state controlled Chinese media agency. Almost no footage taken and fed through to here by mobile phone, email, internet, at unbelievable personal risk by Tibetans inside Tibet, can be broadcast in much of the world’s media, because the sources can’t be named. It is a Catch 22 situation of the media being reported of the most grotesque proportions. The BBC coverage on the first few days of the protests erupting in Tibet, made me almost physically ill. Working at the Tibetan Centre for Human Rights and Democracy (TCHRD), I immediately became aware of the reports coming in – all from the 10th March – huge protests in Lhasa, thousands of monks and laypeople protesting near Labrang monastery in Amdo (where many of my friends here lived near) with 10,000 armed police lining the streets (I saw the pictures on the 1st day). The concern here grew, as reports of reprisals and crackdown by the Chinese military and police grew. The protests in Tibet got bigger, and every day here since there have been marches (I went on a 30+ km march one day)

Also candlelight vigils every night, always with speakers from the Tibetan parliament, various NGOs, monasteries etc, many monks, the unified chanting of prayers of thousands of voices at once. There has been a 24 hour chain hunger strike going on for maybe 10 days now outside the temple (all my former political prisoner students have done it, many many monks, many students from the Tibetan schools for miles around).

There has been a call from TCHRD for people to shave their heads in solidarity with the people in Tibet who have died and the people protesting (I shaved my head 3 days ago – yes I am bald. It doesn’t look so good, but it has had a little media attention (I think I am the only Westerner or female to take up the call so far – as well as apparently a mention by a speaker from the Parliament outside the temple tonight – bizarre). Reports of the huge number of deaths coming in, pictures of those killed by the Chinese authorities, the horrific reports I’m getting from so many of my friends who have spoken to their friends in Lhasa etc on the phone – to find out their mother, brother, best friend (all these instances are true – from my students as well as my friends) have been dragged from their homes in night time raids – a[pparently this happening by the thousand – there is no doubt what is happening to these people even as I type – I know the Chinese authorities do not discriminate in their torture whether men, women, children.

Tonight I spoke to one of my students, a young monk who was imprisoned and tortured for 3 years just for peacefully saying ‘Long Live the Dalai Lama, Free Tibet’ in Lhasa a few years ago, when he was in his early 20s. He was beaten so badly he still gets regular horrific headaches, and wears glasses because of the damage done to his brain/eyesight by the beatings he received from Chinese guards with sticks, batons and electric cattle prods. He also has stomach problems, and problems because of these beatings to other parts of his body. He is one of the sweetest, gentlest people I have ever met, with a great sense of humour, who says he feels compassion for the people who did this to him. He spoke to his friend in Lhasa last week each day fr 2 days. On the third day, his friend’s wife told him he had been taken away by the police at night, from their house. There is no news of where or how he is now, just in prison, but the reality of what is happening to him is clear. This apparently is the case for thousands of people right now being rounded up.

I’m gonna be kicked out the internet cafe now, but just a couple of important things to say – will finish tomorrow.

(All the pictures are from Tibet this week, except the last one, taken in Dharamsala on Friday. All pics are from http://www.TCHRD.org or http://www.phayul.com. Please take a few minutes to look at these websites.

I wrote the following around midnight March 17th on paper, to be typed up at a later date when I found a computer).

I am numb. I’ve only felt like this before a couple of times in my life.

I just stopped writing to watch the BBC World News report 2 hours after the deadline given by Chinese authorities for Tibetan protesters to hand themselves in. I can’t believe, absolutely can’t believe the report I’ve just seen. I watched it open mouthed in disbelief. I just can’t believe how they reported what is happening.

Today I taught my students at 9am, ex-political prisoners, all younger than me, mainly Buddhist monks and nuns, most of whom were tortured horrifically for peaceful protests against nearly 60 years of cultural genocide by China. After the lesson, they went off to continue a chain hunger strike (24 hours for each group) that started a few days ago, in solidarity with the protests occurring across Tibet right now.

Last Monday was March 10th, the 49th anniversary of the uprising in Lhasa (Tibet’s capital), when thousands of Tibetans surrounded the Dalai Lama’s home as news had leaked out that the occupying Chinese invaders had planned to attack his home and kill him. As the Tibetan people surrounded the palace to try to save him, he was forced to flee into exile to save his life. The Chinese troops attacked the crowds and killed tens of thousands of Tibetans over the next few days (even the official Chinese party line was 80,000). So the anniversary of this date, March 10th, is celebrated each year by the exiled Tibetan community (usually a march and protest outside the respective Chinese embassies or UN offices around the world); and in Tibet too, where obviously any protests are met with immediate violent crackdowns by the Chinese police/armed forces (CCTV, spies and armed police are everywhere in Lhasa and many other cities in Tibet).

March 10th this year was always going to be about larger uprising anniversary protests, as the proximity of this year’s Beijing Olympics mean the world’s media is focused on China. Tibetans in Tibet and in exile are aware of this, and have known for years that this was going to be the biggest opportunity in decades to highlight the plight of the Tibetan people, that has been constantly ignored by the international community for 59 years.

(More to come, tired now…)

So I got jardia again, this time worse than last time, and I have been laid up for a few days. I think the cure is actually worse than the illness – the hardcore antibiotics got me so dizzy it was frightening, in the end gave up and went to bed for a few days (after teaching my 1 hour in the mornings). The only consolations being my french canadian friend was sharing the exerience with me over in rajasthan – she got jardia there (swapping consolatory texts across India); and also that my worryingly diminished appetite might have shed a couple of pounds from my ample hips. Orifice Overdrive, name of the greatest band the world has almost ever seen (you and me Laurine – one day x) has a whole new meaning with jardia, especially when you have a cold at the same time. Seriously you’ve never seen liquid projectile evacuating from so many places. Grim as hell. Feeling better now, not sick or hallucinating, just a little dizzy and ready to welcome in style my friends John (he’s already been here 5 days but I’ve been busy lying down), and Sophie who turns up tomorrow. His Holiness the Dalai Lama is currently teaching down the road but I don’t want to faint in front of him and 2,000 monks, so I’m gonna go see him tomorrow and procrastinate today. OK, so now I’m gonna try downloading some photos on here. Liking the new look too? Procrastination is OK when you have a parasite eating your insides and hardcore antibiotics eating all your bacteria (John is abnormally concerned for my stomach lining as he can’t work out where to get me vegan friendly bacteria to re-line it). OK, maybe still a little trippy… Big thanks to Berni for taking me to the hospital and cooking me noodles. And on a less ill note, I am really loving my Gu Chu Sum students right now (despite their horrified looks at the sight of me when I turned up white and shaky) – gonna start some evening conversation classes with them soon. They really make me smile. OK brain too fuzzy for other news. Later.

Been a long time since I wrote. The pressures of work/ whisky..what’s a girl to do? So what news since i last checked in, been teaching, working at the human rights centre. Had my first motorbike lesson, which was very cool. Managed to start it myself, get into 1st, 2nd gear, turn round, stop etc. Very cool.

I did drop it on me twice though (it’s a really heavy bike and my feet only just touch the ground). I kind of dented the tank and broke the rear light, but they were both a bit iffy anyway. My leg had a lump the size of an egg, but I am hardcore and, despite the continued amusement of various small indian boys, old men, and giggling tibetan girls, perservered till i ‘mastered’ it.

Strangely my teacher hasn’t taken me out since tho…

Another highlight was our trip to Bhaksu waterfall last weekish.

Day long picnic affair in a beautiful spot with bunch of us, 5+ bottles of whisky, Tibetan hotpot thing on a fire, and lots of singing, fire twirling, drinking, fighting (I won). Some Tibetans were practising dancing in a big circle in the field below us. Was so awesome. Needless to say I was outrageously drunk (i think people are starting to get fed up with the 10 minute version of bohemian rhapsody), and after we got back, i thought it was a great idea to go back and go for a swim in the ‘holy hindu pool’ there. we did, and it didn’t feel so cold at the time, although that night it snowed about 6-8 inches, so it must have been chillier than i realised. Then losar (Tibetan new year) – all day drinking, singing, lovely on the first day; recovery and more drinking on the second, and the same on the third. My two canadian friends left that day, which was sad because i loved them best here i think, but you get used to it in dharamsala – a place of comings and goings and a real physical lesson in the nature of impermanence and non-attachment. Have been a little blue this last week, found out my long term friend,ex-boy is emigrating to the other side of the world. Very pleased for him he’s happy and going forward, but very difficult knowing i may never see him again and finally really having to let go of a large section of my life. Has been hard, really hard, but i know i was being stupid, selfish, and wrong, and today i went for a long long walk through the mountain and valleys near my house – so, so beautiful, perfect weather, random animals, trees i’ve never seen before, little temples, clambering next to vertical precipices and overcoming touches of vertigo, just so awesome – let go of a lot and welcomed in the new year with peace. Happy new year to everyone, and as a resolution that my tibetan friend owns (depending on how much he’s drunk): Everything but (not) too much!! Losar la, Tashi Delek! x

So my parasite has long gone, and I have stopped being a tourist and gone to the other extreme; teaching 9-10am, running down to Ganchen Kyishong (‘Snow Mountain of Tibet area’) ie the place where the Tibetan Government, the library and Tibetan Centre for HUman Rights and Democracy (TCHRD) lives, proofreading there from 10.30 – 5, and then running or jeep-ing back up to Mcleod to teach my friends english in the cafe for 2 hrs – 5.30 to – 7.30. Sometimes i teach the main monk english in my room afterwards, and i have also been doing some proofreading for Tibet Watch (interviews with new arrivals from Tibet). And yesterday i told a french girl who runs solely a french organisation that sets up sponsorships for ex-political prisoners, that I would work on setting up and running an english wing. All highly inspiring, but i want to be a tourist agin! I haven’t seen my dog family in ages and miss them a lot, despite most of the other dogs in Mcleod coming running whenever they see me. Still of course deeply in love with them all. I have made some time in the evenings for the odd whisky drinking session too, including last night where i had dinner and some whiskies with french girl, her tibetan husband and his friends; before moving on to my cafe where the usual suspects were drinking (whisky) and watching Arnold Schwarzennegger. Is a crazy mix of extremes here. People keep saying ‘you get 4 seasons in 1 day’ and you do – yesterday it was cloudy and grey, then pure white everywhere and snowing, then hailing and beyond freezing, then rainy, then blue skies sunshine, then the cloud was so low we were in it. But the seasons you go through in a mental, spiritual, intellectual sense – equally varied. Last Sunday, we went, a bunch of us, on a motorbike trip to a beautiful viewing area of the himalayas where we took a walk along a mountain path. Then up to a forest peak where there were prayer flags everywhere, and the tibetans with us lit a beautiful little fire so the smoke would pass through the flags. After that I spent a couple hours going through a transciption of an interview with a new arrival in tibet – he had just escaped accrooss the himalayas – he’s only 25. It was his second attempt. The first time he tried, he was in the group of people crossing the Nangpa-la pass in 2006 where the 16/17 yr old nun was shot dead by chinese soldiers taking pot shots at the human tibetan targets. Her only crime was to be trying to flee to her freedom and the chance to practise her religion, get an education, learn her true history and culture. The only reason this particular shooting made the news is because a bunch of western climbers with video camera happened to be nearby and witness and film the incident. And post it on You Tube. So even though the Chinese authorities maintain the shooting was in self-defence (from a 17 yr old nun?!), the footage is there on the world wide web for all to see. Anyway, they also shot another young guy in the leg. The other 80 people in the party (including the guy who’s interview I was proofreading) were rounded up and taken to prison where they were routinely tortured and interrogated, even the children. From there, most of them (inc this guy) were taken back to their hometowns via every prison on the way, where they were again tortured at each. Just unbelievable what human beings are capable of inflicting on each other. Anyway, he’s in india now. Everyone has stories like this. One of the guys hanging out with us at our christmas fiasco, after a few drinks, was talking about his escape from tibet, where someone he was with was shot dead in fron of him – bullet straight through them. And another person shot in the leg.

Yesterday i was talking with this french woman about some of the cases of ex-political prisoners that her organisation sponsors. One old man for instance who was arrested for taking part in peaceful protest, was arrested, imprisoned and tortured for a year plus… on his release followed everywhere, not allowed to work, no rights. In the end he had to leave – couldn’t even tell his wife and 3 children he was going, couldn’t say goodbye. So sad, but such a typical story here. Now he’s an old man in india, too ill to work. And a woman who ran an orphanage with her brother. Because they had some western sponsors, and her brother knew someone who had taken part in a protest, the Chinese authorities grew suspicious and both siblings were arrested, tortured, detained for yrs (he’s still in prison years on, on a life sentence, for doing nothing except running an orphanage). She fled to exile in india and looks after the 2 orphans she managed to find here on their escape – the orphanage had been shut down, with no news of the other 70+ children, except for some sightings of them in police stations.

And talking to my friends about their families, when they mention them, is heartbreaking too. My friend whose mother died 2 years after he escaped here without telling her. His father wanted him to come back home – he was crazily close to his little sister – but he said he could stay here if he promised to work for tibet. My frined has no choice but to fulfill his promise.

Not all doom and gloom though. The tibetans bear their load with an enthusiasm knocking on indifference, and show, as I keep saying, more good humour than any I have witnessed in other peoples, cultures and individuals. And there are some amusing stories too, like the guy who escaped over the himalayas for a bet when he was drunk. “Yeh, the going was really easy, until I sobered up crossing the himalayas”. Yeh, i prefer to mark the arrival of my hangovers, curled up in bed with hash browns, coffee and orange juice, not halfway over the highest, coldest, most treacherous mountain range on the planet. Or the guy who fled tibet because his family had arranged a marriage for him, and in his words, “she was really ugly”. Seeing no alternative, on the night preceeding his intended betrothal, he did a runner. Across the Himalayas. These examples are rare though. Usually the reasons for escape are those I keep mentioning, freedom from persecution, discrimination, to pursue an eduction, and preservation of their culture. All stories though are told with the same good humour.

Anyway, i need to go and put the heater on in my room and chill for a bit, before taking a leisurely sunday stroll to see my dog family (so excited to see them) and doing a little more profreading. Photos up soon. Honest.

Not loads to write. Feeling a little trippy dizzy anyway as i’ve managed to get some parasite, which made me projectiley purge my senses from either end for a good 3 hours non-stop yesterday and then lie on my bed in a dazed fashion, contemplating what an elephant’s top lip looks like and other world mysteries. Feeling a bit better today, but still not convinced it’s in the trunk. Anyay, trekked down to the hospital to get my anti-parasite pills earlier, which i’m now off to munch, so hopefully tomorrowish i’ll become human again and work out just where and how a pachyderm lip lives.

The slightly better news is that last week i went to the tibetan centre for human rights and democracy, and asked for some voluntary work, and they said yes, start on monday. which is fab – i really wanted to work with them – they’re very professional and even just reading through some of their literature at the weekend has got me all re-inspired. Unfortunately i couldn’t go in monday or today as i was, as mentioned, battling with my ‘inner demons’, but hopefully an early night and these pills “take all 4 – they will make you feel nauseous” will mean i can go bright eyed and bushy tailed working for human rights tomorrow.

ok, i need to lie down. also dry off – the rains have started again… I have also been reading some rudyard kipling recently. i really like his take on animals, india, the human psyche; always have, just forgot. ok that’s all. i need to collapse.

Happy 2008! Today I saw the sun set on the first day of the new year, as it first turned the mountains salmon pink and red, and then settled with a big bruised band that stretched across the horizon. The sunsets here are awesome – the last couple of days I have thought that in the final moments, the sky looks bruised, but not malevolently so. Anyway, this was pretty much all I saw of January 1st, after giving up and going back to bed. I’m feeling quite pleased with myself that I did manage to drag myself out of my pit. no more whisky til tibetan new year in February – a 5 day affair – apparently you drink until you keel over then when you wake up you continue drinking. for 5 days. But english new yr here was all good too. Our tibetan friends made a big chilli hot pot thing that you pop your veg/ meat into for a bit (they made a little vegan one for me!) and then fish out with your chopsticks. like a tibetan fondue. delicious. apparently there wasn’t as much chilli in it as usual – karine and her boyfriend (he’s back and not telling me off for destroying his girlfriend in his absence – he said she was already broken – in a good way) were singing ‘Ring of Fire’ continuously – well we all were, in anticipation of this morning, but so far all good…

So after dinner (and before and during) there was of course the obligatory several bottles of whisky. also beer. and drinking games. after this we went to party house where the festivities continued into the early hrs – i didn’t quite last out to the english new yr (5.30am) but we were up again in time for canadian new yr (10.30am) which was a bedraggled “yes, happy new year” affair. we slept 5 in a bed hich involved me squashed up against the wall (to avoid amorous tibetans – is becoming a serious pastime these days…) next to karine, then her boyfriend, then zorgyi (who had lost the ability to move his legs whilst in the toilet the previous evening, and spent a good half hour trying to work out how to walk). he managed to take off his shoes though, and neatly store them in a small shelf in the bathroom wall much to our amusement. anyway, and then lhamo tashi – the sweetest tibetan boy – 6 years old – he had a horrendous time sent to india by his mother a couple yrs ago, for all reasons previously mentioned here, in a party of relative strangers, which he got separated from at the reception centre in nepal. he then spent about half a yr, aged 4 or 5, stranded in nepal, sleeping rough, unable to tell anyone who he was, where he came from, where he was going. by sheer luck (long story) he managed eventually to get to india, where he was recognised by someone and eventually got put back in touch with his relatives here. he’s know at school (TCV – like a boarding school) but as they’ve broken up for the winter 2 month break, he’s being looked after by one of his relatives, Lhodup – our friend and one of our main drinking buddies of the xmas season – and so came with us to the drinking house. anyway he gets lots of attention (Karine and I are very motherly towards him, and all the boys are brilliant with him) – but as you can imagine, he has been through just unbelievably much in his short life – and is quite scarred. apart from sleeping rough in nepal at such a young age, he sings songs (in tibetan, chinese, hindi – he is extremely intelligent) about a free tibet and monks being killed etc. he gets fairly inconsolable if Lhodup leaves, someone takes something from him etc – you can understand why. Anyway, he was pleased to be in Lhodup’s company and fell asleep in the bed watching cartoons. So a motley crew of us woke up in the bed on new year’s day, to welcome in the new year with fresh mixed juice and hash browns. and then the hangover from hell.

So now i have to go to a momo (tibetan dumpling) party. there will be whisky, but i can’t partake. not because of new year resolutions, but because, i just can’t take any more. as for resolutions, i dunno. everything in moderation said 1 tibetan friend, which seems fair enough. to keep smoking, said another, but his english is a bit crap and he meant to ‘stop’ smoking. funny tho, and more realistic i guess. I read in an indian paper yesterday this guy’s ideas for resolutions. they were all pretty common sense-ish. ‘appreciate every moment – notice everything in nature’. i really am kind of doing that here so much more anyway. every moment can contain such beautiful enrichment for the senses. couple of days ago was walking with dog family round the kora. the sound of prayer wheels being turned and ‘om mani padme hum’ being muttered by tibetan monks; the sunset breaking through the trees and making the prayer flags, temples, mountains, trees (and my dogs) all glow with an otherworldly dusky pink/red/orange light; the almost tropical hot sun with a very gentle breeze on my skin; the touch of a dog walking along next to me with its head in my hand – silently lovingly taking everything in with me; birds and wildlife and serenity just everywhere. Every day is full of moments like this, way too many to mention – it’s like managing to slow down time, like in a film where you see the flap of a humming bird’s wing. anyway, once again i digress.

One last thing, at midnight, after we set off our fireworks from the balcony (again, a highly amusing affair – the first rocket went straight to ground and disappeared (“that was our best one”), the katherine wheels were out of control, and something managed to set fire to one of the large balcony cushions…); anyway – my mum called me, and sounded far away but lovely; and i also tried to speak with my best friend (she was out but others were there and it was lovely to hear their voices) but i couldn’t get hold of my best buddies (altho i got some lovely texts) and i felt a little homesick and sad for, just a small, minute. then it occurred to me, all the guys sat at the table didn’t even have the luxury of speaking to their friends and family at home – yes they do now and again, but not so much, and they can’t go back to them, many will not see their family/ friends in tibet again. I will see all my family again in a few months ( i will but i know it will break my heart to leave here); but my tibetan friends just have no choice at all. We don’t realise how lucky we are. Also karine’s boyfriend – while he was working the last couple weeks in delhi – he was doing a piece (photography/journalism) on migration in india, and ended up spending xmas day living in a slum in delhi – there were people there who spent their whole lives living on the rubbish dumps, literally in shit and dirt and rubbish – literally their whole lives. no chance to get out of there, for education, for work etc – just scavenging for food, staying alive, bringing up their families. Thousands of people. On my return to the UK i feel i will be complaining less.

Anyway, ok. the momos await so I must depart. Slowly though…

So yeah the Dalai Lama was of course awesome. From where I sat I could see him speaking and I had a radio which gave an English translation (Couple of awkward moments when I sat on the volume button and the surrounding monks got startled by the high pitched squeaks (not me – my radio), the unnneccessarily loud english commentary emanating from my ears and the sight of a cross-legged english girl leaping about a foot in the air). Amazing though. It was a teaching on a specific Mongolian Buddhist text, but I got the gist (compassion) and it was all good. So many Tibetans there, lots of new arrivals and the awed humility as he came into and left the temple by absolutely everyone present, was overwhelming. So that was Saturday. Saturday night, as I said in my previous post, we got crazy drunk and Sunday morning I couldn’t face his holiness in that state. Shocking I know. Difficult to remember details of that day, but I think after breakfast I ‘died in my room’ (has become the phrase of the season, along with “We fucked you up/They fucked me up/ The whisky fucked us up”. Also ‘I don’t wanna eat burritos’ (You know the song – if you don’t you should). It was all Karine could say over and over, for the period Xmas eve – Boxing day).

Monday was Christmas eve. I think (again all details of last week a little hazy) that was the day I took Lhadon (the gorgeous 6 yr old Tibetan girl) to see the dalai lama’s teachings. She’s so sweet, but I think the hushed crowd found her constant mischievousness and volume a little innappropriate, and I soon had to take her elsewhere, so we did the Kora and she met my dog family. Was sweltering heat that day (I know – Xmas eve!) and she wanted piggy backs/ shoulder rides the whole way, which was fun, but hard work (some of the Kora is quite steep), especially as my shoulder was, as I previously mentioned, vaguely dislocated at some point on Saturday night, presumably via the drinking games’ forfeits. But it was a lot of fun. All the security guards found it pretty amusing when we tried to get back in through the security doorway to the temple – me with a small girl on my shoulders holding a massive balloon (I have been spoiling her) with a large posse of dogs desperately trying to follow us through. So anyway, Christmas eve…

So I don’t remember details well, but I think we started drinking at Khana Nirvana with a bunch of us around early evening. Actually one of my students took me out for xmas dinner first, I recall and we shared a few indian beers with our thugkpa (tibetan veggie noodle soup). Then I went to khana nirvana where the whisky began to flow. By about 12, we sauntered back to Hoez’s party house (he’s still away), where we tried new drinking games and gnerally laughed a lot. We continued till around 6.30, then slept for a couple of hours.

When I emerged (I had told them I was unable to teach) I had to have a quick breakfast and then help Namlha go shopping for the ingredients for the Khana Nirvana Xmas dinner. By this time, 40 westerners had signed up for the dinner “A glass of mulled wine, veggie nut roast, roast potatoes, yorkshire pudding, various vegetables, cranberry sauce, stuffing, xmas pudding”. As I tried to still drunk-enly pay Namlha for my soya porridge, before the big shop, he said “No, you don’t pay for anything today as you’re doing the cooking”. I thought it was some kind of language barrier faux pas as he meant doing the shopping for the cooking, and we went on our way with him asking me how much of everything for these internet downloaded recipes we needed, in order to feed 40 people. I did my best on almost no sleep, still drunk and leapt on by all the beggars etc in the cacophony of smells and sounds of xmas day in mcleod ganj. and trying not to die, I managed to vaguely get everything on the list except cranberries, treacle and veggie oxo cubes. Going back for a swift half hour sleep and a shower, it became increasingly apparent by various panicked phone calls from Karine that khana nirvana had in fact decided Karine and I were cooking as we were western and knew these things. In the evening as the reality of the situation dawned slowly on us, still drunk/hungover, it was too hectic and surreal to be worth worrying about, and somehow, somehow we cooked all the above for 40 paying customers – neither of us having cooked any of the above before (except roast potatoes). So many indescribable moments of craziness and drunken incredulity – Karine had never even seen a yorkshire pudding before but she was put in charge of that as i concentrated on the nut roast and stuffing (it had been misspelt as ‘Yorkchine’ on the posters they made) – when it came out the oven, it looked like it was sposed to, and i explained this to a very pleased-with-herself karine. When we got it out the pan however, it wasn’t quite as it should have been. Consistency of a hard cake, with an uncooked glue like bottom. “We can’t feed them this, we’ll have to throw it all away”(downcast Karen); “Fuck it, we’ll cover it with gravy – they don’t know what it’s sposed to taste like – we’ll tell them that’s how yorkchine pudding comes”(drunk Katie – by this time we had started on the whisky again). Other cooking highlights involved the ovens (we had to bring down an extra small oven which hadn’e been used for a year – it had a multitude of hibernating bee babies in shells attached to it; it was too small to fit all our carefully patted down trays of nut roast, stuffing, pud, potatoes into, so everything had to be last minute shoved into any trays small enough to fit them in. Then when all the food was vaguely ready, we couldn’t open the door of the main oven with all the food cooking away inside. For about 10 minutes, there was an amusing selection of Tibetans trying various implements to open the door). Also the Xmas pudding fiasco – by the time we’d made all the main course to varying degrees of success, we started on the xmas pud, only to realise it should’ve been steamed for 7 hours. Debating whether to go and buy a pudding instead or go for it; eventually, fuelled by the incredible apparent achievements of our main course progress, as well as lots of whisky and mulled wine (I tipped all the wine into a pot, added some spices and sugar – it wasn’t bad for my 1st attempt!), we decided to follow the cake recipe as far as possible (we had honey instead of treacle, and were by this point too drunk/tired/awestruck by our own culinary skills to measure the butter/ breadcrumb volume) and just wop it in the oven for a bit. So, we served everyone their main course, then the pudding (it was a buttery fruity mess – but cooked)…and people cleaned their plates, on the whole. Karine nearly pissed herself when someone praised the chefs and asked for the recipes. Actually a few people commented on the good food. We had made them wait about 3 hours for it though, to be fair, so they were pretty hungry by the time it turned up. So then incredulous at what we had accomplished, we drank more whisky, put our music on loudly and sang ‘We wish you a merry Christmas’ with Lhadon(6 yr old) to all the full and contented customers as they went on their xmassy way.

Then we all drunk a lot, and the hardcore posse again went to Hoez’s house with an extra bottle or so of whisky and mountain dew – via motorbike – Zorgyi fell off his when he stopped but just laughed contentedly to himself).

Again we played drinking games. This time the forfeits involved writing on eacgh others faces every time soemeone lost a round. Suffice to say it became messy pretty quickly. Actually it began when one guy, Lhodup, passed out and we decided it would be fun to draw on his face. I’ll put the photos up here – is just way way too funny.

Zhorgyi tried to draw a pointing finger on my forehead (looked like an erect penis) and we drew girl’s make up and Bruce Lee sideburns on him – Karine came out best with just a flower on her cheek. I also had a large caterpillar on my cheek/chin (Again – it looked like a penis). We got a little anxious when we saw the words ‘permanent marker’ (there was soo much scrubbing the next morning, and of course, I had to bump into the head monk of my organisation still vaguely adorned with penis like face decoration), but it was so worth it for the comedy value. Seeing Lhodup wake up and laugh till he cried at Zhorgyi’s face (emerging from under their shared quilt with smudged ‘lipstick’ (indelible red pen) and hardcore ‘eyeliner’); only to realsie he too was painted up, and laugh even harder when he found a mirror and saw his shiny red nose, handlebar moustache, lovingly inscribed phrases such as ‘Kick me’, ‘Fucked up’ etc etc etc.

So a 5ish bedtime (luckily all my lessons cancelled till next week as my students have exams) and Boxing day I don’t remember that well. I know one night we played non-drinking games (that one where you write a sentence then draw the picture etc – like a cross between consequences and chinese whispers) – just way too much fun. And I found a cafe with the most awe inspiring view you’ve ever seen, which sells the king of hash browns. And baked beans. I didn’t make it to the dalai lama’s teachings again. Ashamed I know. But hey, it is Christmas.

And then last night, on my way home for an early night after delicious Italian with Karine, bumped into my lovely Colombian/Danish friend, and we had ‘just one beer’, which became whisky and putting the world to rights until approx 5 pm. Today I didn’t go to yoga again, but I started teaching the khana nirvana boys with ebnglish lessons (they’re english all very good but they want to improve). From New Year definitely no whisky, no rum, lots of yoga, lots of vol work, learning tibetan…. Although there is talk next weekend of a camping trip to the mountains. It’s apparently beyond freezing up there. But you keep warm with rum….

OK so now I’m going for an early night with my latest paolo coehlo book – i like him – and tomorrow morning, yoga. for sure. I also have to face Karine’s boyfriend who arrives back from delhi for new year tomorrow, and apologise to him for breaking his girlfriend.

What a week! So long since last time I wrote – what a crazy christmas! In a rush again as going for an italian with Karine in 5 mins. She has been my christmas partner in crime and today is the first day where we are almost recovered. So has been party week here in the spititual nest of HH Dalai Lama’s home…

Last Friday I went to the Kashmiri guys’ Eid celebrations where I drunk obscene amounts of ‘Old Monk’ rum (don’t be fooled by the name) and had delicious veggie Kahmiri curry and fine conversation. I declined their offers of the extra strength kashmiri hash going round, which i was quit pleased about when one of the westerners there (only a few of us) a nice swiss photographer who was celebrating his 31st birthday that day, turned a lighter shade of pale and passed out. His young wife was shaking like a leaf as he looked in a bad way (white lips, cold sweat) but he recovered enough to stagger to bed, and was apparently fine after a kip. I will not be sampling the local gear. Food was great though.

So then the next day, i’d already planned to get drunk with Karine (Canadian girl) and despite a sore head I soldiered on, and we had lots of fun after hours at Khana Nirvana where we drunk far too much whisky and learnt great new drinking games. Laughed so much I cried and think I may have dislocated my shoulder with my drunken attempts at press ups. We both slept there for the night and nursed our hangovers all Sunday. Breakfast on our way home at the Peace Cafe was an amusing affair. So hungry, but so ill. I found hash browns later in the day though (anyone who knows me will understand the significance) but when the plate arrived it was just diced potatoes. Too hungover to eat it anyway though. Oh yes, and saw the Dalai Lama on Saturday too. Unbelievably surreal and brilliant, although I fell asleep a few times (wedged between many monks!) and got minor sunstroke (it was shining on the back of my head for 3 hrs). I really have to go now, late again (!) but more Dalai Lama info when I get back. Also how me and Karine ended up cooking Xmas dinner with all the trimmings for 40 people (no lie) on 2 hours sleep, still drunk, re-invented the yorkshire pudding, and had the most surreal superb xmas ever… Hope anyone reading this had awesome Xmas for themselves and their families too, and festive love to all xxxxxxxx